Cultivating Courage and Resilience: A Journey of Transformation with Isilay Cubak

In this captivating conversation with Isilay Cubak, a seasoned coach and a beacon of strength, we delve deep into the values, fears, and the importance of courage in the realm of coaching. Drawing inspiration from the literary world, Isilay shares her insights, reminiscent of Ernest Hemingway's "grace under pressure," highlighting the art of composure and poise in the face of adversity.

 Isilay skillfully brings out the theme of setbacks and victories in one's transformative journey, emphasising the vital role of self-compassion and self-love. She reflects on her remarkable journey from leaving Wall Street to building her coaching business, an achievement that resonates with her belief in herself and the invaluable support of her family and friends.

 Cultural diversity plays a significant role in Isilay's perspective on personal growth, as she discusses her experiences adapting to new cultures and the beauty of embracing differences. She eloquently connects cultural roots to her coaching style, which prioritises creating a safe and supportive space for her clients.

 Furthermore, Isilay sheds light on the importance of self-reflection and self-awareness, underscoring how these qualities pave the way for a courageous, value-aligned life. Her coaching philosophy revolves around creating awareness and taking action to help clients bridge the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

 The conversation concludes with a glimpse into Isilay's aspirations for her coaching practice, emphasising the value of making a positive impact one conversation at a time. Her ultimate goal is to touch the lives of many, creating a ripple effect of awareness and happiness.

 This episode is an inspiring journey of determination, resilience, and the pursuit of one's true calling, providing valuable insights into personal growth and transformation. Join us as we explore Isilay Cubak's incredible story and discover the boundless power of kindness, courage, and self-love.
 
 Isilay Cubak's website: https://www.isilaycabuk.com/

Transcript

PMD: 0:00

Today we're diving into the captivating journey of an extraordinary individual who's not only defied expectations but has embraced a multifaceted path to empowerment and growth. Join me in welcoming Isilay C

0:16

ubak An executive

PMD: 0:17

leadership and personal growth coach whose inspiring story reminds us that the pursuit of our dreams requires courage, determination, and an unyielding spirit. As an executive leadership and personal growth coach she has dedicated herself to helping others realize their full potential. Her passion for guiding individuals toward their aspirations has shone through in every step of her remarkable journey. From her beginnings as a nurse practitioner in the intensive coronary unit at the American hospital in Istanbul, in Turkey, to the transformative journey to the world of finance in New York, her story is a testament to the power of embracing change and seeking out opportunities. And it's fascinating how the call of destiny has led to Isilay across continents and industries.

1:12

I

PMD: 1:12

s

1:12

ilay pleasure

PMD: 1:13

to have you with us here today on the podcast. Bring the audience in and give us a little bit about your background.

IC: 1:20

My goodness. Thank you for the introduction, Peter. Thank you so much. I am an executive leadership and personal growth coach and I say that I was born to be a coach. I love coaching because I think it creates magic. Totally. Prior to my coaching education and experience right now, I have a finance degree down in Wall Street, 15 years. And prior to that, I had a nursing degree. So they're totally different two fields. When I switched, no one understood. But guess what? It made sense when I became a coach. In my coaching, I do coaching. individuals, executive coaching, team coaching. I recently got my certification. I am also a health promotion and disease prevention coach because of my nursing background and I call my practice executive leadership and personal growth coach because we're a whole, right? We can't be separated. So that's me in a nutshell.

PMD: 2:29

Beautiful. I want to touch on the pivotal moments and challenges can you take us back to that pivotal moment when you realized your path lay beyond the hospital walls and into the world of finance. What are some of the biggest challenges you faced during the transition and how did you summon the courage to pursue your dreams despite the skeptics?

IC: 2:54

It was not easy at all. First of all, nursing was the profession I wanted. That's all I wanted to be since I was a child. I think I was hospitalized when I was a toddler. So the wonderful nurses treating me there. I'm like, wow, this is what a great profession. So since I was a child, that's all I wanted to be. As soon as I become a nurse I noticed that it is too heavy for me to do it emotionally because I am one of these people that I feel the other's pain more than the others, maybe. That was the point for me to say, I will not be doing nursing for my life, but what is it that I can do? I'm Turkish, right? In Turkey, the school system is very different than United States. After working five years in nursing, but all these five years I'm saying I'm not going to continue. I'm not going to continue, but I'm looking for things. What can I do to change and what is it that I want to change? So I decided to go into finance and of course, that was not easy to do in Turkey because I have to take the central exam again. Meanwhile, I am five years away from schooling. So all the newcomers are with fresh knowledge they're ahead of me. So I decided I am going to come to the United States and the challenge, of course I don't speak the language. I don't know anyone here and I am going to switch from nursing to finance. Totally different. So it was very scary and my family supported me. It took them a while to say yes to me. It took them two years to say yes to me. Maybe I'll tell you the story about that, but no one agreed with me. Everyone thought I'm setting myself up for failure. This is not doable from nursing to finance from one country to another country. What am I doing? But I said, if I do it and cannot succeed. Let's say I can always go back home. I can always go back to nursing. But if I succeed there you go. So not to have the regret in my life. I decided to do it and it was extremely difficult, but seeing that vision, believing I can do, kept me going and of course, the emotional support of my family.

PMD: 5:29

Who were the skeptics that whilst you were promoting this idealism of wanting to move forward with your life, with the things that were compatible for you. Who were the people and what were the things that prevented you?

IC: 5:46

I remember, for instance, there was a doctor friend when I was working as a nurse, he was older than I was, and he came to me one day and he said, I'm going to tell you this, because I see you like my child. He said, you're doing a mistake. That's the exact word he said you're setting yourself up for failure. You're moving from one country to another. You do not know anyone. You do not speak the language. Plus you're changing professions. You are setting yourself up for failure and that's where I really noticed when he told me, I looked at him. I said, you're right. You're absolutely right. All these things you told me, but if I don't do it, it will be in my mind until I die. I will regret it. I will regret it. And we spoke about this before, regret is not in my dictionary. I do not want to use that word. I don't want to say I wish I've done, or I wish I haven't done. Even after I came here, so that was back home, right? Many people, same talks. Even after I came here, my teachers here, so I started taking English classes, right? So they were like, Oh my God, you're a nurse. You have to continue with the nursing. You're going to make a lot of money. Nurses make a lot of money. I'm like no. I came here with the idea that I am going to change into something else, not a nursing anymore and throughout my school years, I started as a waitress, then I moved into a hotel food and beverage director position. That's how I supported myself, not through nursing, because in order to do that, I have to take classes again, take tests again. I'm trying to go somewhere different, and I'm not going to divert from it. Going into food and beverage industry was quite easy to do, and that's what I did. Not only in Turkey, even here, people try to redirect me.

PMD: 7:54

I think it's fascinating when you consider the twists and turns that life takes in your journey and I know we've spoken about this off air, but there's been a tapestry of diverse experiences, each presenting their own set of challenges, from the demanding world of healthcare to the intricate realm of finance. Your adaptability and perseverance has really been put to the test because navigating such distinct landscapes requires an inner resilience and determination and I want to touch on the cultural transition in the pursuit of your dreams because your journey from Turkey to the bustling streets of New York is a remarkable feat in itself. Can you share more about the cultural and personal adjustments you had to make during this transition?

IC: 8:49

Yeah they are pretty different and there are similarities, of course, right? Things what amazes me here when I see how different they are. And I was quite focused on what I want to do. So rather than seeing the differences and how is that working here? It's not the same as at home mentality. How can I adjust myself to live here, basically. So the whole focus was because I have this future state to move forward, and what do I take along the way with me to make it easy for me. I really did not feel like a stranger in here. Remember, I was telling a story about I was the host. When a friend of mine asked me, when United States a couple years ago when we're going through some challenges here with not welcoming foreigners, a friend of mine calls me and she says, I just wanted to ask you because you come from outside. You're not born in this state. Did you feel like we pushed you away? And I looked at her, I said, my goodness, you're asking this question to a wrong person. I said, as soon as I stepped in here, I was the host and you guys are my guests. So that's the mentality I had. But of course, cultural things here and there quite different and I adjust to those take the beautiful ones. Leave the ones I don't agree.

PMD: 10:21

That's a great attitude to have. Moving to a new country, there's language barriers, unfamiliar territories, and these can all be significant hurdles and that's why having this sort of attitude is fantastic because you're able to navigate those challenges. Was there anything that you could learn from your experiencing of embracing the unknown?

IC: 10:44

Oh wow, I think we wake up into an unknown every day, right? So what do I do with that unknown? A lot of things. Me coming here, for instance I came here as an au pair. So the program was one year. So that's pretty set. But after that, what do I know? How am I going to support myself here. If it's not nursing, what else can I do Plus, I have the language barrier, right? I thought that at the beginning, I will never be able to express myself in English fully. That's how I felt. Because your own language is very different than what you're learning later on. So I think just looking at the day as an unknown. When I apply to school, for instance, they lost my papers. Now I'm thinking I'm going to go to school. This is known. I applied. I'm going to be accepted. And they're not responding to me. This is after one year. And my English isn't so enough to deal with this whole thing. Finally I called them like my visa is approaching to the end. Either I have to leave or I'm going to be illegal here, which is a no to me. So when I call them, I find out they lost my papers. I had to start all over again. See, I was thinking I knew something, but here's an unknown. Boom. So how do I deal with it?

PMD: 12:09

It comes down to the resilience that you have and your attitude as well and you were able to navigate that challenge and learn from that experience and what I'm fascinated about with you is your power of conviction, because I know we spoke again off air about your parents and your peers about your decision to switch from nursing to finance, and that must have required a great deal of conviction. What inspired you to follow your heart despite the doubts that surrounded you?

IC: 12:43

My happiness comes first in order to make others happy, I have to make myself happy so I can spread that happiness. Now when I decided to come to the United States of course, my family didn't agree with me and as I said at the beginning, I tried to convince them for two years I worked on my mom and dad, two years. I kept working as a nurse in the hospital, and every day I told my parents I am going, and every day they said you're not. This is back and forth. Meanwhile, I'm preparing my papers to come here. Finally my father said,

13:21

Ishilay we have to

IC: 13:22

talk seriously. I was 24 years old by then. Up to that point, my father really didn't say that to me. And I'm like, whoa, this is serious. So we go into a room and he asked me one question. And he said that, he said, I'm going to ask you only one question and I want you to give me a true answer. And the question is, I want you to put yourself into my and your mom's shoes, a daughter you love so much. That's how it is in Turkey in our cultures with you for 24 years, and now she wants to go away and so far away. By then, 30 years ago, we didn't even have direct flights Turkey to United States is so far away. He said, would you let her go? Now I looked at my father. He was a very smart man. He tricked me when he said, give me an honest answer. So I looked at him. I said I don't want to come to United States. I want to go to school and this is where I see is possible. I said, I wouldn't let her go. And my father looked at me. He said, but why do you want us to do this? I said, dad, because I want to go to school. And at that point, my father looked at me and he said, you know what, if you don't go, you won't be happy. If you're not happy, we're not happy. He said go and the way he said go was that was the goal I was looking for. So my family's blessing is really important to me. I could just pack and come right? I decided I will, but stayed with them two years and some people look at it as waste of time. Wow. Two years you like wasted like you could come here. Start two years early. Start your Wall Street two years early. But to me not a loss at all. It's the greatest win because I got my parents blessings. So it is the believing in myself and also being honest with people. Yes, I am doing this, but it's not easy for me. I am letting them know it's not like I'm doing it and that's the end of it. So I think that, that helps with the conviction. They see the vulnerability in it maybe?

PMD: 15:48

There's a context within different cultures, and I do understand that from my side of things, from the Greek side of things is getting your family's blessing to do what you're doing because that also gives you that support and gives you safety and security, because you have a respect. In Greek we say, which is respect, right? Which is you have a respect for your parents. They brought you into this world. They looked after you. They cleaned you, they fed you and all the rest of it. And you now have this opportunity, but with their blessing, it's not for everybody, but I do understand from a cultural context. It's very important to get that blessing because you could have gone at it two years earlier, but something in the back of your mind wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be right for you. Your soul would be restless.

IC: 16:41

Again, the regret, right and also you said your soul would be restless. If the family is one of my top values, not honoring that, of course, I'm going to feel a little off here, right? So it's simple.

PMD: 16:57

I totally get that and in the West people want to be rugged individualists and go and do their own thing, which is great I don't have a view about that, but I do understand your sentiment and your honesty and to have a delayed gratification, so you leave with your conscience intact. I want to touch on your integration of the diverse expertise that you have, because what I see from your journey, from nursing to finance is a remarkable blend of disciplines and I imagine this interdisciplinary background has equipped you with a unique perspective. How do you integrate insights from your nursing and finance experiences into your coaching approach and what advantages do these diverse viewpoints bring to your clients as they embark on their own growth journeys?

IC: 17:56

When I moved from nursing to finance at that point, it doesn't make much sense. But only when I become a coach. I heard Steve Jobs talk one time and he was saying that you can't really connect the dots looking into future, but you can connect them when you look back. When I became a coach, I was able to connect the dots from finance to nursing and how it would affect me as a coach. Now my one thing is when I am coaching, of course, from nursing that brings this emotional intelligence, understanding critical thinking and finance brings understanding of the challenges and opportunities of the business human today. But there are people who are just like me, doing something, they know this isn't it and they need to move. So I'm an inspiration to them. I am an inspiration from nursing to finance. If she did it, I can do it to o thinking it creates in people. I get to speak with a lot of clients. They're like whoa, this is amazing. That's what I was thinking do, but I was afraid. I mentor students at universities studying right now, something which doesn't feel right for them just at this moment they are in school and when they come to me, they're like, I see that you switch from nursing to finance and I'm studying this, but my heart isn't really there so it's an inspiration to people to see change is possible. It's not easy, but it is possible

PMD: 19:47

you are an inspiration to me and I salute your journey because I know you went into a lot of detail when we spoke earlier and you're a leading light because you're leading with courage, you're leading with authenticity, you're leading with values and in your current role as an executive leadership and personal growth coach that positions you as a guide for leaders of business executives and you mentioned mentoring students as well. Can you share your insights on the significance of leading with courage and aligning your life with personal values?

IC: 20:24

The definition of courage many people think you need to be fearless. That's courage. It's not. Courage is doing something, even though you're afraid of doing. Now me coming here, I was afraid. I'm coming to another totally different place. Of course I am afraid. And many people stop with that fear and they do not move forward. With my coaching what I get to do is to create awareness. First of all, what are the values of this person in front of me? Understanding or clarifying their values. And then what are some fears that would stop them honoring their values which requires courage and in coaching, of course, I don't tell anyone to do anything. It's advice free zone, but creating that awareness. What is their values and how they're honoring them. And time to time, does it require a courageous move to honor that value that is how I am using this in my coaching.

PMD: 21:43

It reminds me of a saying by an American author called Ernest Hemingway and in his novel, the old man in the sea there's the protagonist Santiago who's a fisherman, and he demonstrates resilience and determination, despite all the hardships he faces while trying to catch this giant marlin, this giant fish. So the phrase that he used was grace under pressure, and that phrase is used to describe someone's ability to remain composed and calm and dignified in challenging or stressful situations. The implication of it is that even though you're faced with adversity, you still manage to maintain your poise, your integrity and you handle the pressure with a sense of grace and self assuredness.

IC: 22:35

I love that.

PMD: 22:36

I see that about you. I see that grace hovers around you and that's a beautiful thing. I want to talk about the setbacks and the victories, how you embrace the setbacks, how you celebrated the victories, because in every transformative journey, setbacks and victories walk hand in hand. Can you recount a setback that you faced along the way and how you managed to overcome it?

IC: 23:05

Probably so many setbacks, right? As we live when it comes to dealing with setbacks and victories, you said they go hand in hand, right? It's very interesting. I think self compassion, self love plays such a big role in both. When setbacks happen, understanding did I do the right thing? Did I put everything, like 100 percent of myself into this? And still there's a setback. That's what's important at the end, right? If I just sit and be lazy and encounter a setback, then I'm like okay, so I didn't do my part. I guess this is inevitable. But, if I've done my part. Working hard with ethics and integrity, and still there's a setback then there's self compassion. You know what? I've done my best. I've done my best. The victories are interesting as well. I get to see clients that cannot celebrate the victories. Again it is about self love and self compassion. If I see you succeeding on something, it's so easy to say congratulations wonderful. But when it comes to me, I'm like, okay, whatever. Anyone couldn't do this, but it's not like that, right? If I am able to say that to you, the right thing is to say the same thing to myself. So in both self love and compassion is very important and also learning from both of them. What went well, that it was successful, or what could be even better for the failed ones, for the setbacks.

PMD: 24:59

Was there a particular one that you faced in your journey along the way? And as they walk hand in hand, was there a personal victory that had a profound impact on your growth and your development?

IC: 25:12

Just to start with leaving Wall Street and starting this business It's huge. Again many people said it's not going to work out. Go back to Wall Street. Like you had that already. Why do you try to do something else? It wasn't easy and I worked hard and I succeeded, but in my mind there's more I can do. Others can see it. For instance, my neighbor upstairs says, I can't believe how you build this business. And I'm like okay. But see, I think just looking into what others are saying that I am not saying to myself so that would be one example, for instance, building this business from scratch.

PMD: 25:56

And what impacted that have on your growth and development?

IC: 25:59

To me, awareness of when that thing goes down, just remind yourself, you need to take yourself up. That's the growth. Becoming aware of those moments where I am not really celebrating my successes and be able to change that into a more positive talk.

PMD: 26:24

So if you ever thought you were going to go down a black hole, you pulled yourself out of it and you were able to superimpose that with more positive talk, that goes to show your resilience because that always plays a crucial role in personal development. How have you cultivated resilience in your own life? And how do you incorporate this concept into your coaching practice?

IC: 26:49

Resilience, it's one of the biggest things to live a creative and happy life. Couple things for me to cultivate resilience. One of them is believing in myself. But again, here I'm talking about believing in myself that I am doing something good, right? Because it's not like believing in myself and then whole world is to the other side. It's only about me. It's believing in myself that I intend well in this world. I try to create a positive impact. I try to make everyone happy around me by first making myself happy. Ripple effect. So that belief in me and also surrounding myself with the people who support me. My family, my friends, everyone around me. When I look at it, everyone is yeah you can do it. Yes, you are right for this. It's all this talk and whoever says, no question is, should I continue to have this people around me, a positive critic would be a different thing. So two things, believing in myself that I intend well, and the second is surrounding myself with the people who support.

PMD: 28:17

From what you're saying, it's a knowing rather than a belief. I think you had an inner knowing because a belief is something that can be part of our conditioning but had more of an inner knowing that led you to that belief, because your journey is a master class in cultivating the trait of resilience. From your own experiences. you've carved out a roadmap to resilience and it's a roadmap you generously share with your clients and I was intrigued to explore that with you off air, in your personal growth journey and how that's led you to become now a beacon of strength for others. I want to circle back to building on your experiences as an immigrant and adapting to a new culture. How has this shaped your perspective on personal growth and overcoming adversity? Have you learned any lessons from embracing different cultures?

IC: 29:14

Not only there is personal differences, everyone is different than I am. On top of it, there's cultural differences and I guess New York is a great place to understand that because everyone is from somewhere else. One word means let's take fun. Fun is one of my values. Fun would be different to me, would be a different to my neighbor. And being open, that is different for everyone else meaning you have to believe what I believe. You have to think fun is this. It's your own way of understanding fun and I think... Just being here in New York and meeting so many people from many cultures, it helps me and probably helps everyone maybe not only me, a lot of people are here the same, just understanding we are different in a beautiful way. That's your difference. That's my difference. And how can we combine those to make this world even better place because sometimes being same could be actually boring, right? So being an outsider to New York created that in me, which maybe I wouldn't have it if I lived in Istanbul all my life.

PMD: 30:39

Cultural diversity enriches our lives in ways that sometimes we can scarcely imagine because reflecting on your journey, wasn't just confined to your personal transitions, going from healthcare to finance to coaching. It's also a journey across cultures and the challenges of adapting and the beauty of embracing those differences, those experiences can hold a profound insight into your own personal growth and discovering the wisdom that you've gained from the kaleidoscope of experiences.

IC: 31:13

Smallest thing was a big change for me. When I came to United States, people being in line you go to a bank, there is a line, and there's a person behind you, you go to a clerk, and when you're talking there, it's your private talk with that person. After one year, I go back to Istanbul, and I go to a post office there are three people right next to me. I'm like, Oh my God. The difference is huge and once you live in one of them, you don't even know there's the other side of it. After I came here I thought was like, wow, in other cultures maybe people are so into each other, no privacy, but in the United States, you're all on your own and no one steps behind you when you're talking to a clerk. So different things like that.

PMD: 32:07

There's whole studies called proxemics and it's a study of personal space. When I lived in Morocco for three months, a long time ago, what I found when I was there, and it's pretty similar in Greece, actually is that the distance between people is almost from your elbow to their nose, whereas,in England or America, you stretch your arm out and you have to maintain that distance because if you're that close in with somebody, it's like, hey, get out of my personal space. Yes. Yes. And also in Morocco, people look at you they actually look into your eyes, and they don't avert their gaze. The other thing I wanted to talk about Is your beliefs a mindset because that greatly influences one's development? Were there any core beliefs or knowings or principles that have guided you through your own journey? And if there are any, how do you help your clients examine and shift their own beliefs to achieve personal growth?

IC: 33:14

Very good question. Beliefs are important, right? It could be it's something that we make up in our minds most of the time. Values on the other hand we have intrinsic values that will never change. And there are situational values that would change according to what stage we are in. I pay attention to create this awareness. If this belief is serving you, how did it serve you up to now? Is this a belief you need to continue believing in? Or can you drop it? Whereas with the values, remember we said feeling that imbalance. People always feel that imbalance when they don't honor their values, but they just don't know it. They're just like they feel discomfort, something is there, but they don't know what it is. So that is why clarifying those values are important so people can say, Whoa, this is the value I'm not honoring and how can I honor that? And the beliefs are how is that belief serving you? I think that's the biggest question in many ways, I would ask my clients to create that awareness because belief could be imposed to us. It's not our belief comes from culture, comes from family. Is this really my belief? So helping my clients understand what is that belief? Where is that coming from? And is that serving them or the people around? That's a great question. There's no conversation that we don't touch on values.

PMD: 34:53

Value systems are important because you have the anything goes value system where somebody might throw a banana skin out of a car and they don't care where it lands or who it affects, who has to pick it up. Then there's profit taking, where people ride roughshod over each other for their own personal gain and then there's the higher part, which I call self assembling where you put together those parts for yourself. So they become indelibly engraved into your neurology about what your value systems are. It's self authorship. You are the author of your values and you make them plain and you make them conscious. They're not whirring around in your subconscious, but you live your values.

IC: 35:42

I love that conscious deliberate living, creative living. With my mentees, I would ask them, because these are students, they're so new, right? They may not even be clear what their values are. Talking about values, I asked them every day you can look into your day. Look how your day processed and ask yourself which of my values I honor today, which of them I did not. It's a great exercise because then it is conscious. Tomorrow when you wake up, you think about yesterday and what you honored, what you did not. And what do you do different today when you encounter the same thing or similar.

PMD: 36:27

Do you move into the day with your values or do you allow the day to move into you? A belief system will access a potential in you and that potential will initiate certain actions which will produce results and those results will either reinforce that belief system, or reshape it. Your inner beliefs and mindset served as the lenses through which you viewed the world and your journey has been shaped by a set of guiding principles. It's important to understand how these principles have steered your life through varying waters. And equally captivating is how you can impart the wisdom of reshaping beliefs to your clients, guiding them towards personal transformation and they can have metrics for that transformation.

IC: 37:23

Absolutely I think transformation really happens when we understand our values and when we know that we're honoring them that's where the transformation happens. And you asked the question, do you walk into a day Do you move into the day? It's a creative day. It's a created day. We created and with the way we look into the world, I love Wayne Dyer. We talked about that before one of his famous quotes, when you change the way you look into things you look at changes. So simple, right? I can look at you and say, even before we start, Peter is welcoming me. Peter is kind. Peter is open to what I say. If I walk into conversation like that, the way I will show up will be different. But if I think Oh, I don't know, he may not be open to what I say, he's not very welcoming, then I will show up in a very different way.

PMD: 38:28

It's interesting what we say and what we do actually informs consciousness. We can see it in art, we can see it in writings, we can see it in the way we deal with people, the way we speak to each other, it's all informing consciousness and that can become part of our makeup, part of the way of being. It's important we lead our lives with standards and principles and foundations and look at how they align and what they connect to and the significance of it. I see the standards, the principles the foundations and how you address those comes out of a very conscious way of living and that's a beautiful thing to see. We spoke off air about cultural roots and how they run deep and anchor us even if we venture into new territories and your Turkish heritage is a thread woven intricately into life's tapestry. I want to explore how your cultural identity shaped your coaching style, because any kind of style undoubtedly weaves in values and practices that speak to personal growth. I'm intrigued to learn which cultural aspects you find particularly impactful. And how has your Turkish heritage influenced your coaching style and your approach? Are there any cultural values or practices that you find particularly important or impactful in personal growth? Sorry, that was a lot there.

IC: 40:03

That's okay. When you're saying that, I'm thinking I never thought about this before. When I was a child, in our home there were always guests. We were never alone. Always someone there. Either they would stay overnight, either come daily and my mother she was really focused on making our guests comfortable. They're staying with us, we're gonna give a towel. We're gonna give them the best towel in our house. We're gonna give best of everything. My father used to say when people come to stay, he's look kitchen is there. You know where the refrigerator is. Don't ask us anything. This is how they were. And I went to boarding school and my older sister went to boarding school in Istanbul and because our family was in Istanbul, other students from other cities, we would take them to our home over the weekend, and they would have a blast in our home. Many of my friends know my parents, not I know everyone's parents, right? But there's this always having a guest at home and making sure the guest is comfortable. When I translate that into my coaching it's the trust my clients have towards me. They know I am here to support them no matter what and having that confidence and comfort that this conversation will be fruitful because Ishilay is here to support me, to give me all her attention. How do I support them? I'm not giving them anything. I'm giving them my pure attention. I tell my clients all the time at first meeting, I say when you come into coaching conversation there are certain things I want from you and one of them is I always do this. I am in a bubble. There is nothing to disturb me. You are my only focus And I invite you to do the same thing because we're talking about you and it is important. Giving this importance to the person. I'm not here looking at my telephone or answering people around me. This hour is for my client and my clients know that. I think that comes from my family, my childhood, my tradition maybe.

PMD: 42:36

You're talking about presencing being present and having your attention and intention married together to produce, not only a spotlight, but a laser like focus. They feel your presence. They feel you're with them. They feel supported. They feel that safe space that you've cultivated for them by your presencing, which is a very important attribute in coaching because it's a relationship.

IC: 43:04

Most of the time I don't use camera when I am coaching no camera. Even though we're on zoom, I turn off my camera. My clients can keep it on. I turn it off because I say when they are creating their world, I want to be out of their face. I want to be out of their face so I'm not interrupting their thought of that future vision. When the camera is off, even on the phone, we can tell if someone is listening to us, right? We can.

PMD: 43:35

You can tell by the rates, the articulation, the tone, the speed of their speech, whether they're actually present with you or not. I quite like that because it puts you out of the picture and allows them to design their own world, design their own picture without you in it not in terms of not wanting you in it, but knowing that They have to walk their own path. They have to find their way. You help individuals realize their potential and for me self reflection and self awareness, they're the cornerstones of personal growth and development. They're like a North star a compass guiding us towards our true North and your journey is undoubtedly intertwined with nurturing these qualities in clients. I'm eager to delve into how you believe self reflection and self awareness pave the path towards a courageous value aligned life and what do you believe self reflection and self awareness play in this process?

IC: 44:44

Awareness is a must to understand where we are right now. In coaching helping client to be aware of where they are right now and where they want to be. Because if they're not aware where they are, and they have this vision up there. How are they going to create the path for it? It would be a starting point and create an awareness of course, coaching is all about that, right? Creating awareness and taking actions. You can't just create awareness and leave the client there. So creating that awareness and then what do you do with that areas now? What are you going to do with that? So that will create the path to go further. Of course, self reflection would be a way of creating self awareness. Again looking into our days, reflecting back. How did I live my day today? Am I happy with this way of living? What could I do different next time? So I think self reflection is extremely important. There are many ways of doing self reflection daily, weekly, monthly, yearly. You could be doing either one of them or all of them. What self reflection person can actually become aware of themselves where they are and then can help them to go further. And of course, with coaching, we do that in an hour or 45 minutes, with questions and being present with the client, creating that reflecting and self awareness takes place in coaching.

PMD: 46:34

How do you guide your clients in developing those qualities?

IC: 46:39

So in coaching, it's a pure coaching I do. When they see the result of it, I might say, now you know how to do this. You have access to this knowledge anytime you want. What do you want to do with that? Some of them take it on, right? Because I can say, let's give you homework you do this every night. They're going to do it because they're excited but after three days, they're like, okay, I'm not going to do it, but whatever happens in coaching session, and now they know how to do it. How can they continue doing it? It's keep doing what is right and stop doing what is not right. That's what I help my clients to take those on.

PMD: 47:23

It becomes a practice, if you wanna become an Olympic gold medalist, my gosh, you've gotta train and you've gotta practice every single day. If you wanna become a writer, you've gotta practice writing. If you want to practice mindfulness, you've gotta practice every day. If you want to embody and embrace certain qualities, then you've got to put your mind to it so it becomes something you do each and every day, even if it's one or two minutes a day, whether it's journaling or whatever it is.

IC: 47:54

It doesn't have to be a rigid practice because many people stop there. For instance, I do gratitude journaling. Every day I have a journal I write. There are days I skip it. There are days I write it on my telephone. At the beginning, I was quite, oh, I skipped today. Oh, I... No, the important thing is do it when you can try to do it as much as you can. Life happens. If you skip it again, that's self love and self compassion. I'll do it tomorrow. My meditation teacher says, because it was the same thing when I was doing the meditation, because I'm just like high performing person. I have to do it. If I decide it has to be done. In meditation, I'm sitting and I do it one day, next day I couldn't do it and I am beating myself up. So I go to a teacher and says, you're going totally against meditation if you do that. And he always says, If for some reason couldn't do it, start again. I love that two words. Start again.

PMD: 49:02

That's a powerful message for people who are self flagellating and beating themselves up because they hadn't filled their gratitude journal. They haven't meditated today and there's no need to be puritanical about it. It's something that you flow with, what feels right at the time for you because every moment is different. Life is a moment by moment affair and every nanosecond is different. You have to be led by your intuition, led by your feeling. There is obviously some discipline in having a practice of course there is, but it's doing it when you decide to do it, when you believe it's right for you to do it. I'm looking in my crystal ball and I'm peering into the future and I see your future is filled with aspirations and possibilities. Your journey is far from over. It's just the beginning for you and I'm really excited to hear your vision for your coaching practice and your dreams of impacting lives and nurturing growth because your notes of hope can leave us inspired to embark on our own journeys of transformation. My question to you is when you look ahead what are your aspirations and goals for your coaching practice? That's part one. And part two is how do you envision continuing to make a positive impact in the lives of others through your practice?

IC: 50:34

I want to touch many people's lives during this coaching journey. I don't see myself retiring, first of all. I see myself doing this to the end and I am seeing myself growing with each person, growing the impact I create in their lives. And with that, If I am touching one person and the ripple effect of that person being this aware and happy person, showing up as a family member showing up in their corporate, in their neighborhood, how is that actually creating a ripple effect? My coaching school slogan is one conversation at a time, and I totally believe in it. I believe in going slowly but steadily rather than let me go big and I don't even know what I am doing. So it's that slowly but steadily creating relationships along the way. That's what my dream is. And that I think aligns with my awareness when I was quite young I don't even remember my age, probably 10 to 13. I knew two things about myself. One of them, I said, I will never want to use the word regret. I don't want to regret anything. This is one thing I knew. Second thing is I was born to make people happy. If I am speaking with you, I want to be the reason for your happiness, That's my role in this world. These two things I knew quite well, and I think coaching makes me live that.

PMD: 52:31

What makes you happy.?

IC: 52:33

Seeing world in peace makes me happy. Kids makes me happy. Flowers makes me happy. Seeing people treating each other in kindness makes me happy. I had a little tear when you said what makes you happy. This was really wow.

PMD: 52:51

Do you have any parting words and where can people find you?

IC: 52:55

What I want to say is You know when someone decides to do something my invitation is looking to that thing you want to do and see If it is good for you and for others And after that, surround yourself with people who support you and take that leap, the courage to move forward. That's what I'm going to say lastly. Where they can find me. I am on LinkedIn as Isilay Cubak. I have my website. They can reach me through LinkedIn or I have Instagram account, I'm on social media. And it's the same name, Ishilay Cubak that's my business.

PMD: 53:42

What's your definition of self love?

IC: 53:44

Being kind in any situation, kindness, I think. It's not, egoistic love. It's being kind either when things go right or wrong, just be kind because I am carrying this person wherever I am going right throughout my life. I am with me. So I better be kind to myself. I think that would be self love.

PMD: 54:08

I want to thank you so much for sharing your incredible story and insights with us today, because your journey is a testament to the power of determination, resilience, and the pursuit of one's true calling and as we wrap up let's remember the journey to empowerment is unique for each one of us. And with the right mindset, we can overcome any challenges that come our way. And you've certainly proved that. And for listeners, this enriching episode of transcendent minds, I want to say, be sure to stay connected and keep seeking out opportunities for growth and transformation. Thank you so much, Isilay for being on the Transcendent Minds podcast. It's been an honor, a privilege to have you as a guest and to hear your story.

IC: 54:58

I thank you for having me, Peter. This was great conversation and wonderful questions. You really digged into my mind. Thank you.